You don't need to be best friends with your colleagues, but building good working relationships rooted in mutual respect, trust, and effective communication can go a long, long way.

69.5% of employees desire deeper connections with colleagues, according to a 2021 study*. This doesn't come as a surprise, given that strong relationships in the workplace contribute to a sense of belonging, increase productivity, and make the workplace an all-around more pleasant place to be.

It is commonly thought that social skills are innate—either you have charisma or you don't. But in reality, with time and intentionality, anyone can develop relationship building skills. And here's how.

What Are Relationship Building Skills?

Relationship building skills, sometimes referred to as "people skills," are the ability to understand, connect, and engage with colleagues and others (e.g., clients, customers, suppliers, and stakeholders) in the workplace.

When we talk about relationship building skills at work, they often include:

• Communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal
• Active listening skills
• Conflict resolution
• Collaboration skills
• Emotional intelligence, including self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy

Just like any other kind of relationship, good working relationships require you to invest time and attention to find common ground, foster trust, and learn to understand each other. Interestingly, according to a study by Jeffrey Hall, it takes 40-60 hours for a casual friendship to develop, and as much as 200 hours for deeper friendships. Naturally, the more time spent together, the closer the friendships. And workplace relationships are no exception.

Why Is It Important to Build Positive Relationships in the Workplace?

On top of tasks, meetings, and everything else you need to do at work, building meaningful relationships can easily fall to the bottom of your list. Who has time for water cooler chats when there are deadlines to be met?

In The Wiley Blackwell Handbook of the Psychology of Positivity and Strengths‐Based Approaches at Work, Sue Roffey on Positive Relationships at Work* wrote:

The quality of our relationships at work matters not only for our ability to flourish personally, but is also likely to enhance our sense of achievement.

‍As you can imagine, building relationships in the workplace can yield great tangible and personal rewards. Key benefits of good working relationships include:

Increased productivity

When you have good relationships with your colleagues, you are more likely to collaborate and support each other in meeting goals. This sense of camaraderie fuels a positive and productive work environment, and, in some cases, even incentivises employees to go the extra mile to produce a higher quality of work.

Time savings

When employees actually understand one another, it helps them to collaborate effectively and empathetically. As open communication is standard practice, misunderstandings, conflicts, and blockers – all of which can be so time-consuming to resolve – can be reduced and even avoided altogether in the first place.

Improved work environment

No one wants to clock in at work where constant bickering and gossip are on the daily agenda. Healthy professional relationships are the foundation building block of a positive work environment, which, by extension, contributes to increased productivity*, improved employee performance and commitment*, and reduced turnover*.

Career advancement

As the old adage goes, "It's who you know, not what you know." Knowing the right people at the right time can bolster your chances of career success. This might look like a mentorship or sponsorship that opens doors to new opportunities; it could simply mean gaining valuable insights that help you navigate your career path. However, the line between building genuine professional relationships and using connections entirely as a stepping stone can become very thin. Avoid the latter, as this may come across as mercenary and do more harm than good to the relationships.

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6 Key Relationship Building Skills (+ How to Develop)

1. Leverage cognitive recall

"What's your name?" The first question of any introduction. But how often do you ask someone's name, only to forget it within five minutes—or even seconds? Worse, you might be put in a position where you need to introduce them to someone else only to draw a blank.

Research shows that learning and using people's names in conversation increases feelings of engagement and connection. The good news is that you don't need exceptional memory to recall names. There are mnemonic techniques you can rely on to help sort your Sandras from your Susans in no time!

• Repeat back their name: This doubles as a way to make sure you are pronouncing the name correctly, as well as helping you to focus on it for at least a couple of seconds—thereby lodging it in your brain.
• Create a mental image: If you meet a man named Doug, you might imagine him holding a spade, standing next to a hole he has dug. If you meet a woman named Hilary, try popping her on top of a hill. Mnemonics like these are tried and tested memory tools and work just as well for names as anything else.
• Use their name (like, a lot): Though it may feel unnatural to shoehorn someone's name into conversation, doing so will force your brain to focus on and remember it, as well as help build rapport with your conversation partner.
• Ask again: If you have forgotten their name by the end of the conversation, don't be afraid to ask again. It's far less awkward to ask early on than to wait for weeks. (If you really feel like it's too late, maybe get them to add you on LinkedIn.)

2. Practise active listening

When was the last time you had a conversation where you actually focused on what the other person was saying—where you were fully present, listening without distractions?

The failure to truly hear and understand colleagues, clients, or stakeholders doesn't just lead to misunderstandings—it erodes trust, weakens relationships, and, ultimately, hinders productivity. And, let's be honest: tuning someone out mid-conversation is just plain rude. Here are some ways to practise giving your undivided attention for effective communication:

• Put away your phone: At least for the duration of the conversation, try to keep your phone out of sight and mind. This will help increase your attention, focus, and enjoyment of the conversation.
• Validate what you hear: Use body language such as nodding and smiling, and where appropriate, short responsive phrases to acknowledge what is being shared.
• Paraphrase back: Repeat back what you hear to check your understanding. This gives an opportunity for your conversation partner to provide corrections or clarifications if need be, and helps to avoid misunderstandings further down the line.
• Don't be afraid of silence: If speech is silver, silence is golden. Some people process internally, while others process externally. It is clear when external processors have more to say as you are likely to express their thoughts and reasoning in real time and out loud. For internal processors, however, it may sometimes seem like they finish speaking (which you might inadvertently take as a cue to jump in) when, in reality, they were only pausing for a moment to gather their thoughts.
• Ask open questions: One of the best ways to get to know what someone really thinks and build a rapport is to ask open questions. For example, "What do you think about...?" or "What happened next?"

3. Learn how to address and resolve conflicts

While most people don't enjoy conflict, it is unfortunately unavoidable, especially in multicultural and/or multigenerational workplaces.

Particularly in times of change where employees are expected to adapt to a new way of doing things, you can guarantee that some employees will cope better than others. In these cases, conflict resolution skills will do more than smooth over the cracks; they will strengthen relational bonds.

• Stick to the issue(s) at hand: Avoid digging up the past; focus on the present situation to keep things productive.
• Facts over feelings: While emotions are valid, conflict resolution should be based on objective facts rather than personal assumptions or frustrations.
• Use "I" statements: Instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try, "I feel unheard when my ideas aren't acknowledged." This approach reduces defensiveness and fosters constructive dialogue.
• Let go of your ego: Conflict resolution is not about winning. It's about finding common ground. Being open to compromise leads to better outcomes for all involved.

4. Maintain consistent verbal and nonverbal communication

Building relationships in the workplace—and beyond—often means building trust, which, by its very nature, requires you to communicate with honesty, clarity, and respect.Communication skills are not the same as speaking skills. While speaking is an expression of thoughts in words, communication encompasses facial expressions, gestures, and tone, to name a few. In other words, it is not only what you say but how you say it. This is echoed by a 2024 research suggesting that "inconsistencies between verbal and nonverbal communication can lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and a decline in trust within teams."

‍Aligning verbal and nonverbal communication not only builds trust but also reinforces your sincerity and approachability from the outset.

• Think before you speak: Before saying something, anything really, consider not just how it might be perceived, but also its impact and intent. A simple way to do this is by using the THINK technique—ask yourself if your words are True, Helpful, Important, Necessary, and Kind.
• Pay attention to nonverbal cues: Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice all play a role in communication. Are you maintaining eye contact? Are your arms crossed in a way that might seem defensive? Be mindful of the signals you are sending.
• Demonstrate empathy: Approach conversations with understanding and respect. A simple "I hear you" or "That sounds challenging" can go a long way in making someone feel valued.

5. Collaborate and work as a team

What's a better way to form solid relationships in the workplace than actually working as a team?! When you work with others, you provide support and collaborate to achieve shared, common goals. This might look like, for example, brainstorming, troubleshooting issues as a group, and making decisions collaboratively—all of which create a bond built on shared experiences.

It's worth noting that non-work related activities like coffee chats, team lunches, or even virtual games can also help colleagues connect on a personal level, which, by extension, makes collaboration more seamless and working relationships stronger.

6. Build your emotional intelligence

At the heart of all of the above is emotional intelligence. The more you connect and are in tune with yourself, the more self-aware you become, which is, according to HBR, "the bedrock of emotional intelligence.

"When you are able to understand and regulate your own emotions, thoughts, and feelings, it is much easier to empathise with colleagues and respond intentionally rather than reactively. This means you are less likely to let frustration or stress dictate your interactions.

Emotional intelligence also translates into better conflict resolution, stronger empathy, improved communication, and increased trust and collaboration, each of which plays its part in forming meaningful relationships.

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Building Relationships That Last

Some people might find it easier just to strike up conversations and start building relationships in the workplace than others. But that simply means it's a skill you can learn and eventually master—and you absolutely should.Going to work should not only mean getting stuff done, packing up, and heading home. There's real value in collaboration and connections that can last for years, regardless of changes in the business itself or even your career path.

‍ChangingPoint's Personal Impact Leadership Programme is designed to break habits, challenge attitudes, and change behaviours so that you and your company can continually evolve. Among the programme's key focuses is to set you up for success in building trust and developing strong working relationships.

Contact us today and see how we can help you strengthen your relationship building skills.